Welcome to my first post! For years I have had people tell me “you should write that down” or “you should write a book” but my question was always this: What The Heck Do I Write About? And Who Would Care? So when I had a co-worker tell me the other day that I should write a book, I asked. And she said I should write what people want my advice about; write about my outlook on life; write about my uplifting experiences and daily grinds; in short, write who I am.
I thought about what might be interesting for my first foray into the unknown. It is highly unlikely that anybody will actually read my musings. Just in case I’m wrong, I thought I should at least be somewhat compelling or, on the other side, so bad that people just have to keep reading like a car wreck you can’t turn away from. I settled on a topic that helps me keep a positive outlook in my everyday life, and that is Gratitude and Appreciation.
Gratitude: the quality of feeling or being thankful
As corny as it sounds, I try to start every day being grateful. It is easy to do and focuses my mind on the good before any other thoughts can get in there.
-I am grateful for my husband (even if he kept me up half the night snoring, I am always thankful to have him to share in my life everyday)
-I am grateful for coffee (and especially grateful for a coffee pot with an automatic timer so it is hot and ready for me when I get up)
-I am grateful for green lights, flowing traffic, music streaming, whatever makes my work commute more bearable
As my day goes by, I often stop to be grateful for something when I find myself becoming angry, stressed or just wanting to complain
-I am grateful I have nimble fingers so I can re-enter the data I just lost when the computer crashed
-I am grateful there is a mute button on my phone in case I need to cough, sneeze or swear
-I am grateful for 15 minute breaks so I can take a walk and relax
There are PLENTY of things to be grateful for, plenty of things to appreciate. Even if you are having the worst day of your life, even if you are homeless and living on the street, there is something you can find that is good. Can you appreciate the warmth of the sun, the breeze from the wind, the beauty in the color of a dandelion? It may not seem like much, but if you practice it every day, you will start to condition yourself to see the good in everything…and the more good you see, the more good comes back to you.
We as human beings, however, are flawed and multi-faceted creatures. No matter how grateful and appreciative we try to be, there will be times when we revert to selfishness and self pity, anger, sadness, judgment, cattiness, and whatever other emotions may come up. That’s part of life, part of knowing we are alive, and I try to appreciate all of those feelings, even if I don’t like them. By appreciating the feelings, we are acknowledging that we have them, and are giving ourselves permission to have them. Remember when you were a kid and your parents said “don’t be mad?” or “you have nothing to cry about?” I don’t know about you, but I always wanted to respond “But I AM mad!” or “I DO have something to cry about!” Now, I let myself be mad or unhappy and then follow up with a gratitude statement such as:
-I am feeling angry that the driver cut me off but I’m grateful I saw him in time to slam on my brakes
-I am feeling disappointed that my friend had to cancel our plans to go to the movies but I’m grateful I will have time to do my laundry
-I am annoyed that the cat barfed on the kitchen floor right after I mopped it but I’m grateful he didn’t barf on the carpet
I remember one particularly challenging day when just about everything went wrong. I had made a breakfast quiche to share with my co-workers and walked out of the house without it. Fortunately I remembered before getting too far from home, and went back to retrieve it. About halfway to work, a car a few lengths ahead came suddenly flying across all 4 lanes of traffic, bounced off the median right in front of me and I plowed into him, totalling my car. My foot was in pain from slamming on the brake so hard, but the rest of me seemed to be ok. I was upset over the accident but I made sure to give thanks that I was not hurt, and neither was the teenage driver of the other car who was in tears on the phone to his Mother. I was also grateful that one of the witnesses to the accident was a Highway Patrol Officer. If you’re going to have an accident, that’s about the most credible witness you can get. He was also able to get help to us fairly swiftly. Within an hour I was sitting in a tow truck on my way to a body shop near my home; I had also reached my husband who was leaving work to meet me there (grateful for whoever invented the cell phone) and take me to the rental car place. The rental agency was busy and the only vehicle they had available was a mini van that smelled like dirty diapers and sour milk. I decided to wait for another car that was being returned within the hour. Sitting in the plastic chairs in what passed for a lobby, I started to feel sorry for myself as the muscle soreness began to settle in. I was angry with the driver who hit me, annoyed with his insurance company, impatient with the rental car agent, and irritated at having to use a vacation day to be off work. As I sat there stewing, my cell phone rang and it was one of my co-workers. “Are you OK?” he asked. “I suppose,” I pouted. “Is the quiche ok?” was the next question. I had to laugh. The quiche was, in fact, protected in a sturdy, insulated container and was safe inside the bag of stuff I had retrieved from the car. “Yes, “ I sad, “the quiche is fine.” “Well thank God for that,” he said, “you need to bring it tomorrow”. I immediately felt better. I was fine, the quiche was fine, the driver was insured, I was getting a rental car, and I was still getting paid for a day of work. It was definitely an unexpected inconvenience, but certainly not a disaster. Once I started to appreciate all the people who were helping me, things started to happen. The car I was waiting for came in; my husband & I had a chance to go out for lunch; the insurance paid off the lease on my old car with a little left over for a down payment on a new car. Everything started to work out when I changed my attitude to gratitude.
What I’m putting out here is an ideal, a way to keep a positive outlook each day and stay in the moment when you start to feel out of balance. I am in no way a perfect, zen person – far from it! I have fun with my life for the most part and get along with just about everyone. I have opinions that are sometimes unpopular, I can be stubborn, I can get flustered, I can be irritating and sometimes I decide to throw myself a pity party. It doesn’t usually last long, and these techniques that I practice every day really do help to keep a smile on my face and a warm feeling inside. Give it a try! Or don’t.